All the violent, sweet, perfect, things that you said.

Well, considering my last journal was a jumbled mess of misread emotions and teenage angst, i decided to update.

I got exactly 3 hours of sleep last night(I can blame no one but myself.)But i'm still in a wonderful mood.

So, I have grown to absolutely ADORE this band. It's called The Airborne Toxic Event. The are AMAZING. They have this beautiful girl who plays violin, And a guitar playing asian. And their lead singer is hot in that Brittish kind of way but his teeth are perfect. lol. [link]

My music taste is drastically changing. I will always be a My Chem. fan. It's a part of me. But i'm getting in to softer things.

So, next year i will be a junior. And i do believe it will the best year yet. I'm letting go of all my past and starting new. And i must admit it feels great. I am currently under no ones control but my own. I do believe my grades are going to drastically improve because i'm not focusing all my time on pleasing anyone.

My ideals on life are going through some changes aswell. I try to live every day in the best way. I try to see the best in every situation. I am trying to be a better daughter and friend to all who surround me. I am currently surrounding myself with happy, outgoing people. I refuse to let self hating people bring me down. Edgar Allen Poe said " All we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream." My take on that is that most live life in a dreamy haze. Not experiencing or taking in all life has instore. I believe that if i work hard enough i can overcome that. I believe i should open my eyes and do my best to see all i can see not so much in a visual sence as an emotional and knowledgeable sense aswell.

Well, enough of my ranting.

I'm off to play Spyro.
Love,Love,Love

that your chest is going to explode?

she is my world. she is my light and my dark. she is what i live for. i would die for her. she is everything that is beautiful to me. i need her like i need to breath to sleep to think. she is a part of me. without her im nothing. just this lifeless shell of a person. she taught me to be myself and how not to be scared to let people in. she took my lesbian virginity. she gave me my first kiss in the rain. she told me she would love me forever. she is my rock my knight in shining armor my savior my protector. my world.my angel. i love her as much as one person can love another. she makes me laugh she is my bestfriend and the person i want to spend forever with. i know her backwards and forwards, inside and out. and she knows the same a bout me. when im in her arms im free im happy im...i was loved. when i hold her in mine im complete.

but she doesnt love me anymore....

i want to crawl in a whole and die. my throat feels like it is going to close up. i throw up everything i eat. and i havent stopped crying in two days.god do i love her...

"i can be your hero baby. i can kiss away the pain. i will stand by you FOREVER."
forever fell short...

"if i lay here if i just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world? forget what were told b4 we get too old show me a garden thats bursting into life all tha i am all that i ever was is here in your perfect green eyes there all i can see"

i wish i could make her remember all the times we had the late night early mornings smiles and laughs i wish i could make her love me agian but its no use she has made up her mind.i need her so bad.

i dont know what to do anymore...im so lost.

i wish she knew that i would change i would be different i would make her happy agian i would do anything and everything i could to make her come back to me. i want her to take me back and hold me and protect me. i need to feel her close. i love her more than anything.


"If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms"

i guess there is nothing left to say....i love you beautiful,so much its tearing my heart into shreds.

.:EMO QUIZ:.

[x] I like skinny jeans.
[x] Music is my life.
[] sometimes I write poetry/song lyrics.
[x] My hair covers part of my face.
[x] I wear band shirts.
[x] I know who Jeffree Star is.
[x] I wear converse.
[x] I wear vans.
[ ] I have made a YouTube video.
[x] I wear lots of eyeliner.

Total = 8

[ ] I have/had my lip peirced. (I'm getting it soonly!)
[X] I listen to Saves The Day, Chiodos, Thursday and/or Gym Class Heroes.
[] I'm in a band.
[ ] My screen name has x's in it.
[x] I understand that My Chemical Romance is not emo. (They are NOT emo!!!!)
[x] I also understand that Green Day is not emo.
[X] I have been hit by a mosher.
[x] I know what mosh means.
[x] I sit in corners often.

Total = 5

[x] I dislike MTV.
[x] I take pictures of myself a lot.
[x] ...especially ones where you can't see my whole face.
[x] I live for Warped Tour
[x] I am lost without an mp3 player or iPod.
[] I know that emo is not just a stereotype.
[x] I could not live without my hair straightener.
[] I have thick rimmed glasses. ( i don't wear them, hahahaha)
[x] I'm bi/gay. (im straight)
[x] I have no issue with bi/gay people.

Total = 8

[x] I hate the president. (Bush, i love Obama)
[x] I have/had/wanted a mohawk.
[] I wear black nail polish.
[x] I hate my parents.(it depends on which day it is.
[x] I hate where I live.
[x] I try to go to as many concerts as possible.(HELLYEAH)
[x] Black is a great color.
[x] Right now I am listening to music.
[x] I know what hxc means.
[x] I am straight edge.

Total = 9


[x] MySpace
[x] Hot Topic doesn`t scare me.
[x] I wear/wore studded belts.
[] I've cried while listening to Hawthorne Heights.
[x] For girls: I have madeout with another.
[ ] For guys: I have worn girls jeans.
[x] I have dyed my hair black. ( my hair is naturally a dark color)
[x] I cry a lot. (i dont cry cry but i cry...inside like)
[x] I write on myself.

Total = 7

OVER ALL TOTAL = 39
Multiply your answers by 3.

OVERALL I'M 117% EMO

haha magical i dont believe in emo

pieces of crap quizzez ugh im goin to sleep peace out

Lost. kinda how i feel at the moment. first journal ive done in a long time not that anyone reads them anyways but its a good way to rant.its one of the few,the bold,the proud,serious journals ive written,typed,whatever.i should be at school but im sick.im bored.

i am 15 years old and i kno i couldnt possibly what true love is but i think its when no matter how long your around them you want to stay longer and two second away hurts like hell and makes you feel dead i think love is when you cant get them off your mind when every little thing reminds of you of them.when all you can picture is holding there hand.when you cry just because you have no idea how to explain what you feel for them.its gotta be something like that.

i kno what its not supposed to be.i kno that for sure.i need not go into that.

i hate lies. i hate them more anything. they destroy me. and i cant control them.distrust makes me want to die inside.i want to believe but...i cant. its not made easy for me.


well sorry to those of you who could careless...


in conclusion lost im very lost. not sure if i will ever find my way out. peace peoples!



p.s. new and first id check it out if u get the chance

Rules: Go to Google and search the phrase. Tag 3 friends. Please be mature and use you REAL 1st name... (OMGZ HE IS GUNNA KILL ME IF I USE A DIFFERENT NAME, MUST DO WHAT HE SAYS...)

Use the first thing that comes up that makes sense.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
A: Katie Needs your Help!!! « Morning Coffee

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
A: Truth, Beauty, Love, and Elisa.: Katie's looks like she's 6 months ...

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
A: Katie says Tom is a great husband

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
A: KATIE WANTS OUT - AND NOW WE KNOW WHY - New York Post

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
A: Katie does all for money, private show with her nice ass!!

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
A: Katie Hates Her Hair

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search:
A: MER - Video - Katie Asks if American Is Ready for Pres Who Grew Up ...


Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
A: Dr. Katie goes to Med School

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search:
A: YouTube - 4/26 Katie Likes Fishsticks

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search:
A: katie eats a potato bug

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search:
A.0 nothing...? lol

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Gabby Babble: Katie Rees Arrested for Assaulting a Police Officer



that was entertaning